Posted: 8/15/2018
Parkland experts explain warning signs, offer solutions
As kids return to classroom, parents need to be aware of one of the growing challenges they may encounter – bullying. Although we often hear tips aimed at those targeted by bullies, we rarely hear about the other side of the problem: what should parents do if their child is the aggressor? Behavioral health experts at Parkland Health & Hospital System say it’s important to understand and intervene when a child is bullying others.
Bullying is defined as unwanted, aggressive behavior involving a real or perceived imbalance of power. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) these behaviors typically involve young people who are not siblings or current dating partners. These behaviors are usually repeated or are highly likely to be repeated.
“Bullying can be physical, verbal or social and can happen anywhere – in person or through an electronic device,” said Cynthia Castillo, LCSW, at Parkland’s Irving Health Center. “Signs that may indicate someone is being bullied include unexplained injuries, lost or destroyed property, frequently feeling sick or faking illness, declining grades and decreased self-esteem.”
Bullying is not only a serious issue for victims; it’s also a red flag indicating underlying problems for the aggressors and their families.
“It’s important to keep in mind that kids don’t bully others because they are bad. Many school-aged kids are still figuring things out and even good kids are bound to make mistakes,” said Margaret Esquivel, LCSW, at Parkland’s Irving Health Center.
According to experts with StopBullying.gov, a federal government website managed by the
U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, there are two types of kids who are more likely to bully others:
• Some are well-connected to their peers, have social power, are overly concerned about their popularity, and like to dominate or be in charge of others.
• Others are more isolated from their peers and may be depressed or anxious, have low self-esteem, be less involved in school, be easily pressured by peers, or not identify with the emotions or feelings of others.
Children are also more likely to bully others if they:
• Are aggressive or easily frustrated
• Have less parental involvement or are having issues at home
• Think badly of others
• Have difficulty following rules
• View violence in a positive way
• Have friends who bully others
“A variety of reasons may lead a child to be aggressive. Some of these include wanting to fit in with others, seeking attention and not fully understanding how bullying makes other feel,” Esquivel said.
Although painful for everyone involved, recognizing the problem and addressing it quickly is vital. “Parents need to act fast when they suspect their child is engaged in bullying,” Esquivel said.
Castillo agrees. “Parents should establish that bullying behavior is not acceptable and that such behaviors have consequences. The next step is to find out why your child chose to bully another child in order to develop the correct response.”
After addressing the behavior and its potential origins, “Parents should remind their kids that every choice leads to an action and every action has a consequence,” Esquivel said. “Sometimes kids refuse to take responsibility. The best thing to do is to continue discussing the situation until they understand what’s expected of them.”
Parents can take further action by:
• Developing logical consequences. Taking away privileges, like computer or cell phone use or suspension of activities they enjoy, can help children think about their actions.
• Teaching new skills. If a child is being aggressive due to feelings of frustration or anger, parents should talk about techniques aimed at controlling their emotions. If your child is bullying for attention or to fit in, this could indicate a self-esteem issue. Parents can help children see their worth outside of what peers have to say. If bullying is related to cliques, help your child develop healthy friendships.
• Avoid shaming. Shaming is a form of bullying and should not be used to discipline.
• Focus on empathy. When kids learn to see things from a different perspective, they are less likely to bully in the future.
“When bullying is caught early and addressed appropriately, it usually won’t happen again. We encourage parents to monitor behaviors and reach out for professional help if necessary,” Esquivel said.
For more information please visit www.parklandhospital.com and http://www.stopbullying.gov.